What Would Cory Say?

When my heart is the blackest, when I am drowning in the guilt and despair, there is only one voice I want to hear.
But in order to hear it, I have to get creative, and I have to listen close.
I hold my pen and paper.  I clear my mind of all those bad images that cling like ugly barnicles to my brain.  I don't think; I just write.   I listen for my Cory Girl.
 This is what she said:

I love you, Mommy.  It's not your fault.  I don't know what happened, but I know you'd never want me to get hurt.  I know how much you loved me.  I do.  It flooded from you in waves.  Like the ocean.  It never stopped.  You are so strong, Mommy.  You've done so much.  Take care of my little brother.  Jacob loves you.  He can't wear a dress and be Twinkies with you, but he'll help you pick them out.  Take him shopping, and for coffee.  Buy him books and teach him new words.  Make sure he has good taste in music.  Remember me, and laugh, Mom, smile.  Be proud.  We had the best times together.  You were my best friend.  I just never knew I was yours.
I'm ok, Mom.  You don't have to worry about me.  I don't hear voices anymore, and that is so great.  But even better, I don't feel not good enough, anymore.  I'm perfect now.  And sooo happy.  I don't even have to take any meds.  Dr. Z was right.  God is the best judge.  I was always beautiful.  It's just now I can see it, too.
I love you more than anything.  Remember me, and smile.  Make some happy places to chase the dark thoughts away.  It's what you had me do.
And just know, I can hear you and see you.  When you think you feel me there, I am.  And I love you.

Your Cory Girl