What You Can See

When Cory was here with us, I could tell what type of mother she would be if she had children someday by watching her with Jake.  She was watchful, patient, affectionate, and delightfully silly.

I took the kids to buy them new shoes a few days before the accident.  Jake wanted checkerboard Vans like his big sis wore, and Cory ended up falling in love with the new Hello Kitty vans.  It turned out that Jake's were not available in his size in the store, and would have to be ordered.  One look at his disappointed face, and Cory was second guessing her purchase.  "Mom, I just don't know if I can get these when Jake can't get his.  He's so upset...just look at his face."

Yep, this was the girl who would give her brother the last dollar in her pocket, and had difficulty denying him anything, only able to do it if absolutely necessary.  This was the girl who when at her most ill point, named her eight year old brother as her best friend in the world.

He is pretty amazing.  Jacob, an old soul from infancy, had the ability to separate his sister who loved him dearly from the symptoms of her illness, and possessed an endless well of compassion and forgiveness when those symptoms scared him or hurt his feelings.  By age eight, he had learned how to love unconditionally- a skill many of us struggle with as adults.

Their bond was so tight- so embedded in the way they cared for one another and freely offered their help and support without even thinking about- I am astounded that losing her has not completely destroyed my son.

I had watched as Jacob patiently entered each of Cory's contacts into her new phone a week before the accident.  Sure, he had other things he'd rather be doing, but he knew Cory needed his eyes which were sharp, while hers were fuzzy from the meds.  I knew no one else could make his face light up like she did when she entered a room, trilling, "Little brother!!!!!"  Apparently, so did he.

These, my babies, my dynamic duo, were an unstoppable team...planning an interpretive dance to turn dinner into "dinner theatre" any given night of the week, filming, acting in, and producing a rap video when Jake was 5, signing a three page contract written by Cory to share the new bunk beds in Jake's room at ages 3 and 12...there was no end to their shenanigans.  I know there can be no end to their love story.

It breaks my heart all the same.