I gave Cory advice on a hundred different topics over our years together, anything from the fact that Steven Tyler could still be considered sexy based solely on his past sexiness to patting on your face powder instead of the rubbing it in, which clogs your pores. One piece of advice I borrowed from a one-time mother figure, changing it to make it mine...adding it my own mother's advice, as well as what I had learned so far in life.
Cory asked me how she would know when a guy was the one...how do you know when it's love and not just like, or more accurately- hormone driven infatuation?
The one-time mother figure had told me it was when the touch of his hand on yours was all the comfort you needed...when a touch, that wasn't in any way sexual, fulfilled you within your soul. For the touch part, I added what I knew to be true- for I am one those hopeless romantics who believe for each person, there is one other person out there who completes you- that when the guy was "the one", that touch would feel like home, everything else fading away until you knew only an overwhelming sense of safety, content to listen to their heartbeat with your head on their chest.
Considering my dealings with the men in my life, I amended this statement as soon as the words came out of my mouth. What did I add? Make sure you feel good about how he treats you, and make sure you are getting what you deserve. And I especially made sure she knew what she deserved and what is unacceptable.
Oh, and don't forget to go ahead and accept the fact that not everyone's "person" is ready for a life long relationship. As much as my family and friends may throw sticks and stones at me, I will say with my dying breath, that this does not mean your person doesn't love you. What it usually means is that they are lacking some skills...things like self-regulation, anger management, tolerating frustration, impulse control, seeing things from another person's perspective in the heat of the moment. Maybe they don't know how to show affection or talk about feelings. These things might have never been shown to them or maybe they have the skills mastered, but they fly out the window under a surge of brain chemistry. Aren't we all lacking something?
And my mother? She pretty much said, "marry a man like your father." Yep, Cory had decided by age 19, she was on the hunt for a guy like Grandpa, Uncle Bud, or her cousin Blakie. What do all those males have in common? They are willing to sacrifice for another person. They are givers. Their women are their queens, their princesses, their goddesses. They will do anything to protect them, comfort them, make them smile. Lucky women, huh?
My last little piece of real world advice to both my children has been this: do not ever feel bad about getting yourself out of a bad situation. I would be proud of either of them being brave enough to leave an unhealthy situation, even if meant getting a divorce. Staying in a bad relationship just because you believe in the concept of marriage doesn't make you smart in my book.
Okay, enough from my soapbox. I've got to get out of the coffee shop. The teenage couple that thinks they are discreet with the soul kissing and heavy petting amongst the careful stage dressing of textbooks and wire bound notebooks are making me feel a little old, a little sad, and a little dead inside- not just for me, but for my girl.
Public Displays of Affection aside, I so wanted to see Cory get what she deserves. I wanted to see her eyes light up when someone saw her for everything she was- inside and out. I wanted someone to crave her laugh. I wanted to see her feel safe and loved. I will never understand how some people get that- some so easily- while others just get killed by women driving home from work who never apologize to the surviving family.
What is this? I guess I'm a little bitter today. Oh well, everyday is an adventure.
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