The Missing Cory Days

Yep, I was not able to accomplish my goal.  I was not able to frame my grief into a positive remembrance for 30 days in a row.


Truth is, the days leading up to what should be my baby's girl's 21st birthday have been weary.  I am tired.  I am bitter. 


I miss her every moment.  Sometimes remembering her is not a conscious act, it's just what I do as I open my eyes each day and walk around the world without her. 


Here's some more ways I've found myself remembering Cory:


15)  I wear her scent. 


16)  I remember silly things out of nowhere- like the week or so Cory and I spent trying to convince her father that Shell gas station's roof housed a real live owl, not just the decoy they had posted up there to scare away pests.  How badly she wanted him to play that game with us!


17)  Timmy the squirrel.  When Cory was seven or so, she named one of the plump little squirrels who lived in the tree outside our kitchen window.  In the years to follow, every subsequent squirrel was Timmy.  Timmy developed pretend friendships with our pets.  We'd talk about Timmy playing the lottery and the status of his relationships.  As Jake grew up, Cory involved him in her make believe stories.  The other night, I handed Jake my sketchbook to see if he'd volunteer something for my art journal.  He handed it back later with a sketch of Thomas the kitten and Timmy the squirrel in their basement man cave with a big screen tv, watching football and gorging on snacks.


18)  Every time a Menard's commercial comes on tv, I remember when Cory was little and she'd sing the jingle, "Save big money at Benard's!"  To this day, Tim refers to Menard's as Benard's.  Her mispronunciation as a little girl couldn't have been any more charming.


19)  Journaling.  It was something I instilled in Cory- buying her journal after journal, encouraging her love of the written word, urging her to document her life's experiences.  I have her journals, and don't take them out too often yet, but they are there on my dresser and my shelf- a lot of them filled with scary experiences, but also soooo much love.  When I journal, I think of Cory, and how much she'd love art journaling with me out in the studio- just bursting with ideas, poring over pages, putting life into a book, something someone will hold long after you are gone.