One, Cory's monument is in transit- no more barriers, no more turf wars, no more heated arguments over frost lines. My loving brothers-in-law have done the digging and poured the foundation. I know if Cory could, she would thank them for taking such good care of her. Knowing it will be here shortly, and set in place leaves me feeling not so much sad, but completely frightened.
What does this mean? When something permanent- something that will last hundreds of years- is set into her spot, will she be farther away from me? And why does it suddenly feel as if I've been trudging around in a great, wide miserable circle only to start back at the beginning all over again...again, at a place I never wanted to be?
And two, Jacob saw me looking upset tonight- sad, terrified? He snuggled up beside me, and told me I was a good mom to Cory. He said, "You treated her so nice and you did good things for her- the medicine, and taking her to those places."
I think I scared him a little with my gasp and the fierce hug I gave him, practically crushing him against me.
Always one to question, always a little pessimistic, I wondered if he'd simply overheard some conversation where I'd tried to defend myself against my own guilt.
So I asked him, "What gives you that opinion, Jake?"
"Because I saw her, Mom. I saw her getting better."
<<tears>>
You just like to make me cry don't you?
ReplyDeleteMe too, Roz. Me too.
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