"A Careless Man's Careful Daughter"

I know better than to go grocery shopping at Family Fare on my own, but sometimes I do it anyway.

Thirty minutes in hell, that's what it is.  I expect to see her come around a corner with a box of au gratin potatoes in her hand.  I squint my eyes a lone figure at the end of an aisle, and convince myself that it's her- her form... her height, her build, her posture.  My eyes pass over the the pistachios and I want to die.

Then just to be sure I am fully aware of my loss, Taylor Swift comes on over the speakers, telling me all about growing up in a broken home, but then finding a good guy, getting a place together, paying bills,and being happy.  Cory used to love this song.  Cory was holding out, through all the bad, hoping for that kind happy ending.  She never stopped hoping, and that's why she came so far.  That's what made her so incredibly strong.  It's exactly what makes her death such shit.

All that hope for nothing- to end on the side of the road not two minutes from her house.  I spent the rest of my shopping trip feeling my heart drop into my shoes, and some crazy surge of adrenaline come up in my throat.  I listened to every word of that stupid song, damning Taylor Swift to hell for making my Cory think she'd get the chance to grow up and have a family of her own with a man who wouldn't leave...what a fricking novel idea.

 I wheeled my cart around, very nearly jabbing into people, yearning to launch the rotisserie chicken at the deli counter window, wanting to grab up bags and bags of pistachios and chuck them at the happy people who walked around listening to Taylor sing like it was no big deal.

You'd think I would get tired of being angry all the time.  You'd think eventually I'd get to the bottom of all this rage.

Well, not yet, my friend.  The injustice eats me alive.  It may do no good, but it comes in waves, regardless, and it's fueled by the fiercest love I've ever felt for another human being.  Damn you, Taylor, for painting that picture in my head for my girl.  I could see it so well.  And so could she.

"Braced myself for the goodbye,
'Cause that's all I've ever known
Then, you took me by surprise
You said, "I'll never leave you alone"

You said, "I remember how we felt, sitting by the water.
And every time I look at you, it's like the first time.
I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter.
She is the best thing that's ever been mine."

Do you believe it?

We're gonna make it now
And I can see it"