If you are willing to reflect and be honest about it, you'll see things about yourself that make you cringe. You can acknowledge them and try to change. Here are mine from this weekend:
I am afraid to give my whole heart to my other child lest he die. I must not be a coward. He is deserving of every bit I can give him and shouldn't have to get less because I am scared of losing him. I have to focus on him right now- today and tomorrow, and every day he is alive. This doesn't mean I love Cory less or have forgotten her. She will not be jealous or upset with me in any way.
Tragedies happen to people every day. I am not special. I saw on the news about the drunk driver that drove into the crowd at the homecoming parade- four killed and dozens injured, and I felt small and ashamed. Everyone deals with loss.
Then I read about the woman who fought off two cops and went back into her burning house to rescue her three children. None of them made it out alive and they were found together: the infant in her arms and the older boys beside her. I looked at their pictures and felt so incredibly humbled.
My story is mine and it's important to me. But everyone has a story. And some are just as incredibly unfair as mine.
I may still be unable to get where people want me to be on the religion thing, but here is what I do have. I have so many people in my corner, my family, my friends, my co-workers, loved ones I treasure, even people I've never met in person who live across the world. With that amount of love and support, I have to find a way to be the person Cory called her mom and that Jake can look to as a positive role model. Who am I to waste all that goodwill?
Buck up, Nick. Never, ever, ever, ever give up.
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