Love Letters

Going through her things to choose paintings, I came across the journal I gave her the first time she was hospitalized for mental health concerns.  I know my girl well enough to know that she wouldn't mind if I shared a little from it, in the hope that someone out there might look at mental illness and treatment in a different way.  My daughter wasn't crazy.  Her brain simply worked differently than other people's.  Getting treatment shouldn't carry the stigma that it does, and we should recognize that asking for and accepting help is an extremely difficult thing to do.  The ones that do...I am amazed at their bravery and determination.


Cory-Girl,

I love you sooooo much!  I miss you every moment you're away.  You bring me so much joy and pride.  Be the smart girl you are and take control of your future right now.  Getting better is the most important thing.  I am so proud of you for being so strong.
I know this is a very hard thing to go through- if I could do it for you, and spare you the pain, I would in a second!  But since I can't, let's be partners.  You do your part (the heavy lifing) and I will support you in every way possible.  I am ALWAYS here for you.  Call me and Ill call you.  Get better, love.

                                                                                     You always make me smile, my little lovebird

                                                                                            Mommy

p.s.  I love you more than anything in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!

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First Night

There was a man standing in my shower.  I looked away.  I looked again- still there.  I pulled the covers over my head and silently chanted to myself, "There's nothing there" just like Mommy would say.  I wrapped my arms around my body and hugged.  I sighed, then peeked out from the shelter of my covers.  No, there was no man in my shower...he was standing by my bed.  I held Evelynne close and turned my back on the menacing man in the black suit, who'd decided to come out from the shower.  Evelynne, my stuffed bunny friend, muffled my loud and speedy heartbeats that came erupting from my chest where I clutched her.  There was no man.  There never was.  It wasn't real. 
I shut the bathroom door, anyways.  I didn't care to see "him" anymore that night.

                                                                                                      --Corinne

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Mommy,

I'm so sorry to put you through all t his, I just want for this illness to go away.
I always feel so guilty for all you and Jake deal with, but I'm going to really try to make things better.  I love you both!
The first night was horrible.  I had a hallucination, and it was sooooo scary.  I just wanted you here to hold me and tell me everything's all right.
It's going to be sooo hard, Mom!  This place scares me, and I don't know anyone.
I really, really miss you.  I love you.  Take me home soon.

                                                                                                         Love,
                                                                                                             Your-Corygirl

p.s.  Can't wait for your first visit!  Call me and I'll call you!