Just my take...
when a couple loses a child, the man wants to put up shelves right away. It's familiar, it's comforting, it's life affirming, and they need to feel something.
Women have absolutely no interest, whatsoever, in putting up shelves, soon after the loss of a child, and are absolutely disgusted that their spouse could even think of redecorating at such a time.
In fact, I would imagine that most women think they will never want to put up shelves ever again. Evenutally, however, the urge does return, if for no other reason than you are so miserable you will try literally ANYTHING to get some relief from your pain.
About the time, I decided I was ready to hang a shelf with my husband again, I discovered he was in the depths of a severe depressive episode. I couldn't get that man to hang a shelf if my life depended on it. It didn't matter if I flattered, cajoled, flirted, or demanded, he was not in the mood for carpentry.
This was particularly unfortunate because our marriage was already failing miserably. We had started out side by side, standing over Cory's casket, and we had ended up seemingly continents away. Not only we were not grieving in tandem- a virtual impossibility- but his Bipolar Disorder had descended upon our household and snatched up my caring and gentle husband without a backward glance. I couldn't get him to talk to me, let alone touch me. He was lost to his favorite comfort in the world: sleep.
This episode of his lasted for the better part of a year. By the time he even raised his head, I was so exhausted, and starved for friendship, love, and affection, I was only concentrating on how I could afford to divorce him.
I remember a close friend asking me if he ever came out of it, and actually wanted to put up a set of shelves with me, would I even want to, or was I so angry from all the months of rejection, that I would tell him to take a flying leap?
I could only chuckle. A lonely vagina holds no grudges.
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