Did I mention that after losing a loved one, you might get sick easily or a lot? It's supposed to be your worn down immune system being more susceptible, but I wonder if it's not your body's way of grabbing you up by the collar and shouting in your face, "Hey, you! Start taking care of yourself, damn it! Eat! Walk! Move!"
Being sick forces your brain to take a grief break, moving reluctantly away from thoughts of your loved one to in-the-moment problems (i.e. can I breathe? Can I cough freely without wetting my pants again?).
Maybe being flat on your back sick is supposed to make you appreciate life just a little bit more. So that when you get better- if you get better- you take that effortless, deep, full breath, you swallow on a throat that isn't enflamed, you walk easily across your house with no danger of falling. Maybe at that point, you're supposed to acknowledge how good it feels. And know it's okay to feel that good. Cory would not begrudge you that. She wouldn't begrudge me, either.
Stop wishing yourself dead, Mom. It's okay to live.
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