The Questions Now

I told Tim today, at coffee, that the loss keeps hitting me in new and different angles.  Something I wish I didn't know is that when you lose your adult child and they were childless, you also lose those minute glimpses of the child you raised- whether it be something in their sideways grin or the way they hold themselves while waiting in a long  line (Cory always capped her left elbow with her right hand when she was nervous or just lost in thought).

So I said my peace on this note and swallowed a lot of Toffee Nut Mocha with my heartache and bitterness.  I feel she has been stolen from me.  I know; I know; she was "on loan" in the first place.  Tell that to my heart.  It just doesn't play.

So the questions now, and I've had much of the last ten days or so to think about it, are these:

Will I stay bitter?

and

Will I risk my heart so wholly again?

I've got a lot of work to do.