How to Break Up with a Guy

Cory and I were an absolute mess together.  Perhaps this is best illustrated by telling you how we roleplayed how to break up with a guy.  I was the guy.  Cory was to be herself.  We sat at the dining room table, me with my legs splayed apart in a masculine fashion, and Cory sitting with her knees together like a lady.  She took one look at me as I made to scratch my non-existent scrotum and just cracked up.  "Mom!!!!  Be real!"

"Cory, I AM being real!   I'm getting into character!"  I retorted.

She laughed a little more and we tried to set our faces into serious, pensive expressions.

I waited, and when she'd paused so long that the silence became awkward, I said, "Hey baby, you from out of town?"

Cory snorted, and we were off on peals of laughter again.

"Okay.  Okay. I'm sorry.  I'll be good!"  I promised.  "How about you be the guy, and I'll be you?"

She nodded in agreement.  "Okay."

We took up our assigned postures and began again.

I looked at her, and said, "It's not you.  It's me.  I need some time to just work on me."

Cory abandoned her role and giggled, "Oh my God, Mom, have you really said this to people?"

"Hey!"  I said indignantly.  "I'm trying to help you out here.  What do you want me to say?  You're just not good enough for me?"

She stopped short.  "They usually aren't."

We looked at each other, serious for a moment.  Time spun out, but the giggles returned.

I found the lowest register of my voice available, and said, "Hey, baby!"

We were back to the drawing board.