Jacob

Mornings are the worst for Jacob.  He said it's because he wakes up and remembers what happened all over again.  I can definitely relate.  The other day he woke up complaining of a stomach ache and wanting to stay home from school which quickly moved to missing Cory.  He clung to me, fighting the tears, determined not to lose control, but unable to help himself.  He has had almost complete mastery of his emotions since he came out of the womb.  I'm not sure if he feels pressure to "be a man" and keep it all inside or if it's just his temperament to keep things to himself.

I sat down with him on the bed, and rubbed his back, held his hand as he pulled me closer, sort of hooking his arm around mine.  "Would you like us to each say something we miss about Cory?"  I asked gently.  He answered immediately, emphatically, "Everything!" and burst into tears.  This broke my heart into even smaller pieces.  He is in his own private hell, and I don't know how he's held it together as long as he has.

They were partners in crime:  my dynamic duo.  They spent all their time together and very rarely fought, too busy helping each other, especially during the years of Cory's illness.  As horrible as it was, it brought us all a bond that would be forever unbroken, even by death.

I guess I can stop worrying that he will forget her.  Last night, in a much calmer state of mind, he offered up that he missed watching our shows with Cory, mentioning 90210 and the way Cory would get up in front of the tv and do an interpretive dance to the opening credits.  He also mentioned Desperate Housewives, Lost, and American Idol.  Yeah, if anyone would get why I can barely stand to be in my living room, it would be that boy.  It is positively drenched in memories of our little family.