Dainty Earring Regret

I've said I have no regrets about anything I've done or not done for Cory except letting her walk to the store.

Maybe that's not exactly true.  There is one small thing, that seems so much larger to me now.

I was watching Grey's Anatomy again the other night- damn that Grey's Anatomy- and noticed one of the young interns was always wearing the teeniest, tiniest, most dainty little earrings imaginable.

This broke my heart.  Here is why:

Cory and I used to prowl Kohl's on the weekends like shopping was our day job.  On one certain Saturday that I remember quite clearly, we happened upon this line of dainty miniature earrings by some celeb- it may have been Lauren Conrad.  There were teeny birds.  There were teeny animals of all kinds.  There were teeny letters.  There was teeny everything!  They were subtle, elegant... softspoken.  Cory was enraptured.  There was only one problem.  She hadn't worn earrings in so long that her holes had filled in.

I had to drag her away from the display with the reassurance that we'd let her start her own dainty earring collection once we'd gotten her ears re pierced.  And well, life went on and we never got around to getting them done.

When she died, she was still waiting for her dainty earring collection.  I had to go out and buy her clip on pearl earrings to go with her pearl necklace in her casket.  It then struck me that I'd gotten too busy doing all the other things to take care of her that I never made the time to go get her state ID so she could get her ears pierced.  I hated myself a little bit for this when I realized this, but it was soon swallowed up by my shock, my brutal grief, and the enormous guilt of letting her walk to the store, which effectively sent her to her death.

Seeing that young woman on tv with little wisps of silver adorning her earlobes brought it all back to me.  I should have made the time.  Cory could've been that bright shining face with the big eyes that didn't even need a stitch of makeup to light up a room.  Cory could've been that healthy, ambitious young woman embarking on a medical career, interning in her neat scrubs, ballerina bun, and dainty earrings.  If only I'd made the time to get her ears repierced.  If only I hadn't let her walk to the store.

If only.