I finally did it. I finally made brownies with Jacob- the first time since Cory's accident. We did a terrible job, putting them back in the oven two extra times, and finally just resigning to eat them a little raw in the middle. Salmonella? Maybe, but what's one egg not quite cooked through spread over eight servings? We took our chances.
I can cook, but I am no baker.
Well, maybe we'll try again. Maybe someday we'll eat brownies in the living room while watching Food Network's Next Star or The Walking Dead, and get back some of the vibe our little family had when Cory was around. Maybe.
Another thing I did this past week that I haven't done since Cory died was to notify the Carson Scholarship folks to let them know of Cory's death. It's a little strange how I have no trouble telling strangers that I meet of my loss, but telling the Carson Scholarship people seemed entirely too final. Her future no longer exists. I guess that's a hard thing to say out loud. And I guess that acceptance of your child's death comes in a horrid continuum, none of which is welcome. It will happen when it happens.
Trust the process.
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