Someone asked me the other day why I always draw or paint faces. Why not landscapes or flowers? I think it's pretty much subconscious, almost like the subject chooses the painter instead of the painter choosing the subject. So why am I subconsciously drawn to faces?
I thought about it driving to the coffee shop this morning. I taught preschoolers for ten years. I certainly strove to have my 34 children ready for kindergarten, academics-wise, but I think I always viewed a good social emotional base (and a love of books) to be the most important things I could teach them in my short time with them. How well would they really do in school and in life, if they couldn't manage their feelings, get along with others, and problem solve? When you're working with three and four year olds, the first step is to help them identify their feelings and feelings of others. This means a lot of looking at faces.
Then Cory developed her illness. Having a mood disorder can mean your feelings change on a dime, you have lots of very strong feelings simultaneously, or at times you even become devoid of feelings. As Dr. Z worked with her in the beginning, he asked her to do mood charts. Daily, she wrote down a few notes about her day and circled some smiley, sad, angry, tired faces. Eventually, she got a little bored with it, but kept at it because she wanted to feel better and she dearly loved Dr. Z.
After the accident, I used a lot of pie charts to sort out my feelings. Nowadays, I still keep a journal, and I usually jot down "I smiled today" or "I laughed today" when it happens. It seems to be happening a lot more since I went back to work, which speaks volumes for my wonderful co-workers. Sometimes I'll read back over the last few days and see something good generally happened almost every day. That helps a lot. It's nice when you are suffering from depression to have some encouragement from yourself that there is light at the end of the tunnel, or bright spots that are worth sticking around for.
My daughter, and the fathers of both my children have had mood disorder related illnesses. Feelings are a big deal in my life. Is it any wonder I am drawn to painting faces?
So here was my idea. How many other teenage girls are going through what Cory went through right now? Are they also disenchanted with the 4 cartoony faces to complete their mood charts? How many of us keep a journal, which is great for your mental health, no matter what your situation? What if I took some of my "moody girls" that I've drawn or painted and labeled them with the emotion they seem to convey? What if I made them into stickers or even magnets? They could be used in journal writing or on a magnetic monthly calendar to track your moods. Would anyone be interested? Well, call me a dork, but I would use them. I personally think Cory would have loved them.
One small problem. My girls are reflective of my moods, mostly. I don't think I have a single one that is happy or joyous. This could be a problem. I think I will sort through my pictures of me and Cory. I remember putting up a montage of pictures of Cory on my Facebook page. Someone commented on the beautiful selfie she took of herself in front of the living room with the natural light streaming in on her. They said she seemed to glow. One of her friends commented back on my page, "She glows most in the ones of you together."
That was the best compliment of I've ever been given.
I will go through the pics of us together. I'm sure I will find what I need.
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