You have to be strong to do these two things: ask for help, and accept it. Cory, you are the strongest person I have ever known. I was the lucky one to get to share your life.I now understand at least a tiny, tiny part of what you were going through:
It starts when you can't quite remember when you
last bathed. You see nothing wrong with putting today's makeup on yesterday's
still unwashed face, if you bother with makeup at all. You may have phantom
thoughts of things you'd like to do, maybe, but can't quite get your body in
motion.
Over time,
the phantom thoughts of things you may, possibly, enjoy come fewer and farther
in between. You begin to find it takes all your will to simply turn to a more
comfortable position in the bed. There is nothing you want but to lay. As you
lay there, you have all the time in the world, undisturbed, to be eaten alive
by every negative thought in your brain. And buddy, there are plenty. You know
you should get up. You should try to at least make a break for it, but just
like every nightmare, your limbs are dead weights as the killer approaches.
Besides, would it be so terrible to just have it be
over? As you ponder this particular question, you have just turned the corner
to suicidal thinking- never even blinked, never turned a hair. Depression is
such a fucking bully.
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